absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
