i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
