the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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