She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize