I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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