I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize