Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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