He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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