the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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