im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
