Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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