You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
