I cannot find my penis.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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