I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
