I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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