Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
