How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
