You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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