is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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