Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
