and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
