It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
