New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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