party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
