i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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