i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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