I heard we made out
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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