you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
