she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
