Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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