Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
