after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He felt like a one man threesome
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
