I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
