I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
