she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I checked into jail on foursquare
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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