I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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