the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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