My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
