So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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