ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize