writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
