I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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