i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
