You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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