There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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