i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
