I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
