It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
