Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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