The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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