and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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