I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
