Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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