I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
