oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
