She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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