it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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