You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
