Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i dont even know how to be here
two words...techno handjob
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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