Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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