we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
