Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
