I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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