dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
