The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
