dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
