You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This toilet bowl is my home.
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