I'm gonna have a badass scar
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
