I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
