Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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