STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
