I need help removing her.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
